Momming With Perfectionist Fantasies Series: Judging Ourselves On Our To-Do List

This week my baby was sick for the first time.

It was a mild virus, but a sick baby was a new level of fussy and sleepless that I haven’t experienced in a little while.

Maybe some of you can relate... but in our house when baby is fussy, mommy is fussy.

When baby is sleepless, mommy is sleepless.

Getting everything done on my to-do list this week was a major challenge. I skipped (many) workouts. I ate LOTS of sugar. I fell behind on my projects. I grouched at my husband.

I arrived bleary-eyed to appointments. I consumed coffee in abundance and crashed later. I cried at 6AM instead of slept when my husband offered me 40 minutes of extra sleep.

Baby was sick, not sleeping well and needed more nurturing and more attention from mamma. Of course I wanted to nurture and love her back to health!

What didn’t serve me in this situation was the judgement I had for myself about my to-do list not getting done...which later became overwhelm, which manifests as lashing out at loved ones.

What was MISSING was self-compassion.

Of course it didn’t get done. Of course I didn’t workout. Of course I didn’t work on my projects.

On an intellectual level, I know that beating myself up does not result in good things.

When I beat myself up I lash out at my husband, I am in a bad mood around my baby, and I am NOT inspired to create content for my business and follow my dreams.

But listen, not all perfectionists know how to not beat themselves up.

For me, being unsuccessful at self-compassion may actually result in MORE self-flagellation.

So here is what did and didn’t work for me:

When I tell myself: “It’s okay I didn’t get everything done.”

My brain immediately says: “uh, no it isn’t.”

But when I offer myself a little more evidence like, “I didn’t work on this today, but I did go to work, cook dinner, and take care of my baby.”

“Look at all the things that I did. Wow, even when the baby was sick, I accomplished so much.”

That sits a little better. My brain is satisfied that much actually was accomplished.

Make a list of all that you did accomplish and give yourself credit. You deserve it. This is hard.

Now THAT is compassion.

Give it a try mamma.

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